Drowning Lessons
by Isabel Archer
Summary: Regulus Black, the center of Amelia's life throughout their Hogwarts years. But once graduation came and the threat of war loomed, there was no room for friendship anymore. But now they're being thrown back together amid war, lies and treachery.
1. i Amelia

It hadn't been so long ago that I was still in school. With nothing more to worry about than what essay was due next. But then I graduated, and the little bits of the world outside the walls of Hogwarts that I'd heard became all the more real.

And I had to do something about it. So that's how I found myself here, at the head-quarters of the Order Of The Phoenix, fighting against the rising evil that was Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. I wouldn't have seen myself here, three years ago...

I'd been in Slytherin. Something which hadn't helped when I'd first joined the Order, for obvious reasons. But Dumbledore was determined that I be included. And I'd like to think that now, after a year, they finally all trust me. More than they trust Severus, anyway. But three years ago, the thought of joining forces with a bunch of Griffindors was beyond me. Unthinkable.

I'd been friends with Severus back then too, and another boy, Regulus Black. We were inseparable since we started at Hogwarts together, being intimidated by the same people for years before we finally rose to the highest rank and were the ones able to inflict the same kind of torture on the younger years.

"We'll leave here together too. You know there's talk of an uprising?" He'd said it one night when I'd snuck into his dorm. I had known, but I hadn't known his own opinion on the events happening on the outside. At that time, I would've followed him wherever he went, and if he said he agreed with Lord Voldemort I'd have stood by his side and received the mark which would scar the rest of my life.

"I've heard. It's hard not to, we're in Slytherin, remember? If I have to hear one more brat bragging about how his mummy or daddy just joined the Dark Lord's ranks I swear I'll Crucio them myself." I declared that night, carefully watching for his reaction. He smirked, not even looking at me.

"You know, mother expects me to join them when we leave here." He said it quietly though, the conviction that was usually in his voice not so evident. There seemed to be hope.

"Do you want to join them?" I asked him, heart in my mouth and just as softly. I kept my eyes trained on him, waiting for any sign that he was having as many doubts as I was. But instead, I watched as the worried look fell from his eyes, to be replaced with cold, hard determination. And malice.

"Of course I do! I want to help the Dark Lord rid the world of those filthy mudbloods for good."

I swallowed. "Don't you have any doubts?" I knew it was a long shot, I knew I should've probably kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to know so desperately that I wasn't alone in how I felt. That my best friend understood how scared I was. But he sneered at me. With such disgust he could have rivalled Lucius Malfoy in that moment.

"Is poor Amelia scared? If you aren't with us, you're against us. You're going to have to decide. Or I doubt you'll be around to be my best friend anymore." I swallowed again as I felt tears threatening to rise. I'd lost my best friend that night, and I knew I'd never get him back.

Things wouldn't be the same again because of some little man who liked to draw on people's skin. That was one of the last times I spoke to Regulus. Two weeks later, my parents were murdered. Killed by Voldemort's followers because they refused to join his ranks. I heard someone say in the common room that it had been a waste of perfectly good pure blood, but if they were traitors then they had it coming. After that, my mind was made up, I couldn't betray my parents like that.

But just like that, I'd lost my best friend. And the man I was beginning to fall in love with. Life's cruel. But I'd learn that it was a lot harsher on him.

I hadn't ever intended to join the other side though. That in itself felt like some kind of betrayal to my old friends. Mostly Regulus. What if I ended up killing him? What if he killed me? Being on opposite sides in a war neither of us really understood had never been top on the list of things we wanted to do when we'd finally left school.

But then there was this one night. I was going home, living in London after leaving Hogwarts, and I heard a scream from a flat down the hall. I'd never wanted to get myself into anything, no trouble, no danger. But I found myself walking down the hall towards this door. It was locked. I was about to turn around, and then heard a voice muttering, "we should kill the kid too, the Dark Lord will want a thorough job done."

I wish I had been braver. Or faster. Or smarter. But I wasn't. I heard that little girl die that night, and then I knew I couldn't sit by and pretend the war wasn't happening.

That's when I met the others.


	2. i Regulus

Life had been so much simpler when I'd been in school. The idea of being a Death Eater had been exciting, exhilarating. I'd wanted to make my family proud, since Sirius hadn't been able to do that. He'd been the traitor, so I'd had to pick up the slack.

The pressure my parents put on me after he left was intense. But I thought it was all for the best. I wanted to make them proud. I _wanted _to rid the world of mudblood scum. So I thought.

Like I said, life was so much more simple in school.

I'd had my best friend then. Amelia. I'd been in love with her since day one. Completely head over heels, and I thought that once we left school and everything, I'd be able to do something about it. She was from a good, pureblood family. My parents would approve. I thought it would work.

Which was why I never told her. I wanted to wait.

And then her parents were murdered. And everything changed. I couldn't tell her anymore. My parents didn't want me anywhere near her. Her family had turned out to be blood traitors. I couldn't be seen with her, the Dark Lord wouldn't like it.

So I listened. I fucking listened.

Life was so much simpler when we were younger.

When I left school I was recruited right away. It was just expected. Severus and I took the Mark at the same ceremony. It hurt like a bitch. I'd known it was going to hurt, but I hadn't been quite prepared for that. The tears I could feel rising were forced down though. A sign of weakness like that was never going to go down well. Be a man, Regulus.

I haven't seen Amelia for three years. Every time we go on a raid I always wonder though, did she join the other side? Am I going to see her tonight? I don't know what I'd do if I was confronted with her. Obviously I'd be expected to kill her. But this is the girl I've been in love with since I can remember liking girls.

Those aren't the only doubts I've been having. There's been talk. Talk of the Dark Lord finding a way to live forever. And finally, now, that has woken me up. Can I really imagine a world with this _man _in complete control forever? No. I don't want to.

I don't know what to do though. I'm in too deep now, the inner circle. And the only way out is death now. It's too late for me I think. But now I don't know, will I step up and finally be the man Amelia deserved?

I wish I could see her again though.

* * *

So, I didn't put this bit in the first chapter, but anyway.

Obviously, I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. Obviously. The only things I own are the character Amelia and most of the plot line.  
For this, we're going to assume that the other Order members are aware of Severus' role as spy. We're going to assume that they don't know what has convinced him to turn to the good side, but this will come up in later chapters. We're also going to pretend that Regulus doesn't die quite so quickly out of school, okay? I think that's everything. If there's some other major plot line that I've just ignored, just go with it for the sake of the story, please?  
I mean, I'm not J. K., am I?


	3. ii Amelia

There's an Order meeting tonight. Dumbledore wouldn't tell any of us what we're discussing, but it's a tiny meeting. The absolute inner circle. Sirius, the Potters, Remus, Peter, the Longbottoms, Dorcas and myself.

We meet at Hogwarts in Dumbledore's office. The safest place at the moment. Usually we'll meet at Sirius' family's house, but that isn't even completely secure. The house-elf, Kreacher, has a tendency to run off to try and find Regulus every time he hears even the slightest mention of his name. Much to Sirius' fury.

This, in itself, is an indication of the importance of this meeting. Dumbledore doesn't want to take any chances.

I arrive 10 minutes early, walking up to the castle after apparating outside of the gates. It was cold, still the middle of winter. It would be New Year's Eve next week. 1981, hopefully the year we'd be able to defeat Voldemort...

As I was lost in my thoughts, I didn't hear someone approaching me from behind until they'd poked me in the back with their wand. _Fuck. _

"Caught unawares? Now, that's not like you, is it Amelia?" I resisted the urge to release a sigh of relief and instead kicked my leg out, flooring the person behind me.

"I'd say being floored by a girl wasn't like you, Sirius, but that'd just be a lie, wouldn't it?" I smirked down at him from where he lay on the ground, covered in snow with a surprised expression on his face.

I held my hand out to him, dragging him off the floor.

"So what do you think he wants this time?" Sirius asked me, glancing at me.

I shrugged, "I have no idea. But it must be pretty important if we're meeting here and not at the house..." I trailed off as we both lost ourselves in our thoughts.

We reached the doors of the school soon enough and I couldn't help but think back to the first time I walked through those doors...

_An eleven year old version of myself stood on the steps surrounded by hundreds of other terrified looking children. __**Losers.**__ I thought to myself as I watched their anxious eyes darting around._

_No doubt they'd been told all of the many rumours about the initiation ceremonies at Hogwarts and were now terrified to even walk through the doors in case someone instantly cast a spell on them to make their nose explode or something._

_I smirked._

_"Amelia?" I heard a voice behind me. I considered ignoring it. Who did I know here yet, anyway? But then there was a hand on my shoulder. I turned and saw him. Regulus. Of course._

_Our parents had been forcing us together all summer. He seemed okay, but for the simple reason that my parents so desperately wanted me to be friends with him, I hadn't made all that much effort this summer. And neither had he._

_"Oh, hey Regulus." I went to turn around again, thinking we were done, but he held my arm again._

_"Are you excited then?" I shrugged._

_"Not really. I mean, of course I'm going to be in Slytherin. If I wasn't I think my parents would kill me. What about you?"_

_"Same really. I got another lecture about Sirius and how I can't let them down since I'm their last hope, blah blah blah." I smirked a bit, I'd heard all about Regulus' older brother this summer. So I knew he was in Gryffindor and what a disappointment he was. "I'm just glad I know you already. Apparently the initiations in Slytherin are pretty brutal." He looked a bit nervous._

_I just smirked at him, "Well you wouldn't expect anything less, would you?"_

We were friends after that. I don't really know what changed on my part. Maybe it was a subconcious thing of not wanting to be left alone to the mercy of my house. But there it was, we'd been friends for the next six years.

And now I hadn't seen him in three years and I was best friends with his "traitor" brother. It's so strange how things work out. I really wouldn't have believed I'd be a blood traitor... But my parents would be proud. And that's all I need.

Well, I'll tell myself that that's all I need.

We'd reached Dumbledore's office now, with Sirius saying the password to let us in. When we got to the top and opened the door we saw that the others were all already there. They all turned and greeted us, Sirus slapping his best friend on the back. I sat next to Lily, "hey Lil, how's Harry?"

She turned to me, beaming, "oh he's wonderful. I mean, he cries a lot. But it's so wonderful. I don't think I've ever been so tired and happy. It's strange, when there's this war going on, isn't it?" She looked a bit lost so I put my hand over hers.

"I think, Lil, that we all need some happiness, especially now. And there's nothing wrong with that." Lily smiled at me and we talked about Harry and other things for a few minutes before Dumbledore entered.

"Hello, I'm glad you could all make it." He gave us all a smile, but it looked forced. No one said anything, just waiting to hear his news. I think we were all sitting on the edges of our seats, anxious about what he was going to tell us. "Well, you obviously all know that I haven't called you here to talk of anything less than the most important business. Before I get to that though, I have some tragic news. Edgar Bones has been murdered, along with his whole family."

There were shocked gasps from around the small room. I heard Lily sob and James turn to comfort her. But everything went quiet around me. Edgar and his whole family? I'd been over there last week for dinner with a few of the others. He had the most adorable little girls. How could they be dead? What son of a bitch could have killed them? They were only 5 and 6.

And that was when the anger came. Seeping through all my veins. I wanted revenge for them. Edgar Bones had been one of the first Order members to accept me. I'd kill whoever murdered him. I would.

That was the Slytherin in me coming out. Utterly ruthless.

"When? Do we know anything about it?" Dorcas asked through the tears running down her face. Edgar had been one of her best friends.

"I'm afraid we know very little. The alarm was raised at about three O'Clock this morning, but by the time the aurors reached the house, they were dead. It seems Edgar was able to take out two Death Eaters though, before they overpowered him. We've identified them."

"Who was it?" My heart was in my throat, like every time.

Dumbledore turned to me, his eyes looking straight through me. I'm sure he knew... "It was Wilkes and Rosier."

I tried to not let out my sigh of relief. Every time I felt this way. Terrified one day he was going to be caught, or end up dead... And I hated myself for it. Here, one of the most heroic men I'd ever known has just been killed - _murdered -_ by those monsters, and I'm worrying about one of them. Fuck it.

"This does lead me on to my next piece of news." We all tried to pull ourselves together and listen to what Dumbledore had to say next. That was the worst part of war: you can never really have any time to mourn. There's always something else you need to do right away. "Edgar died for the cause. He had been doing some digging at the Ministry. He'd discovered, from one of the less intelligent members of Voldemort's ranks, that Voldemort has discovered a way to prevent his own death."

I didn't gasp, but I heard someone else. It sickened me that this didn't even surprise me anymore.

"It seems he's found some way to prevent death, but Edgar was found out before he could find out any more. We need someone in there. I think it's time we had another spy in their ranks. Severus needs the help, even though he won't admit it."

That time, almost everyone gasped, but I just stared at Dumbledore. That was why I was here. I hadn't been invited to many of these inner circle meetings, but now here I was. He wanted me to be the spy.

It would make sense. I had Slytherin ties. I could pull it off. The other Order members were too well known, none of the Death Eaters would know that I was part of the organisation. I'd not been on any high profile missions, and I'd always had a disguise. I could finally do my bit, I could make a difference, a real difference...

And I could see Regulus again...

"I'll do it." I said softly. I wasn't sure if anyone had heard me, but they all stopped talking and turned to look at me. But I was just staring at Dumbledore. His gaze was unwavering. I felt him poking around in my mind but bit my tongue, holding my temper.

Finally, he nodded. He looked almost sad but then he turned away from me and the expression was lost. "Very well."

"No!" Sirius jumped up, "you can't let her do this, she'll be killed. They know you, Amelia, they know that your parents refused to join. They'll figure it out, you'll be dead before you're even initiated."

"Don't be stupid, Sirius, I'm the perfect candidate for this. I'm the _only _person who can do this. _You_ can't, none of you can, they know who all of you are, and they know for sure that you're all in the Order. I can easily convince them that I've seen the error of my parent's ideals. And you're right, they do know me, but that's because I was in Slytherin. That'll get me in if nothing else does."

I was glaring at him. Who was he to tell me what I could and could not do?

"She is right, Sirius. I would rather none of you had to take this task on, and I would not ask if the situation were not so dire. We need to know what Voldemort is doing, and this is the only way."

Sirius dropped into his seat again, a look of defeated horror on his face. He refused to meet my eye, so I just turned back to Dumbledore, "when do you want me to go?"

"As soon as possible, I'm afraid, Amelia."

I nodded. "Give me a week to get things in order and I'll be gone."

Dumbledore nodded his head wearily, "very well. You'll be checking in at the house every week, whenever you can get away. Be careful, Amelia."

I nodded again and stood up, sensing that was the end of the meeting. As we all walked out, no one said anything. I walked ahead of everyone else and could feel them looking at me. I could almost hear their thoughts: _dead woman walking..._

_

* * *

_

I'm really trying with this story, I really like it and I know exactly where it's going.  
Any feedback would therefore be greatly appreciated, let me know what you think. Hopefully with some input it'll get better.


	4. ii Regulus

We're recruiting this week. So much of me is relieved, but I have to mask it behind a wall of pretending to be excited about drawing new people into the cause. But it's getting harder and harder to do.

Usually there are people picked out to be targeted for recruitment. This time around though, apparently I'm being left to my own devices. I can't help thinking this is a test of some sort, which doesn't allow me to feel any relief at not having to go with the others who will no doubt be murdering those who deny us.

Knockturn Alley apparently is the best place to go, so Malfoy sneers at me as I'm preparing to leave on my mission.

"Just be sure you don't get lost. The Master wants at least _one _recruit out of you today. See if you can manage to not get killed." And then he's off, slinking away like the slimey snake he is.

I shake the feeling off that this isn't right. That feeling barely leaves me these days. I don't even sleep that much anymore, haunted at night by the faces of the people either I or my _comrades _have murdered. Today the face of two girls, five and six, are floating in my vision. Struck down, screaming for their parents...

It's all just over so quickly.

Knockturn Alley hasn't changed in the ten years I've been coming here. Mother thought it best to get me used to the place at a young age. It never worked though, the place gave me the creeps until I joined Voldemort's forces. Here, Marks are worn openly and no one dare bother someone on the Dark Lord's business.

I stride through the alleyways and streets, trying to look purposeful, but I have no idea where I'm going. And then I see her. I would swear to anything that it's her. _Amelia_. What the fuck is she doing in Knockturn Alley?

Before I can help myself I stride over to her, a couple of people scatter out of my way. I think the look on my face must be murderous, but I just can't believe she's here. Why is she being so stupid?

I grasp her arm sharply and begin walking away towards a deserted alley. I see her glance up alarmed at me out of the corner of my eye but I don't turn to look at her. What the _fuck _is she doing here?

I push her up against the wall, still not releasing my grip on her arm. Her face is pained, but I don't lessen it. I'm so angry, so damn angry all of a sudden. And it's a shock even to me, because I've been so numb for so long.

Despite the confusion, pain and anger marring her features she's even more beautiful than I remember. Long, flowing black hair, bright blue eyes and the most red, plump lips that I have longed to kiss for over half my life... I can't believe she's in front of me again after all these years. But she shouldn't be. This isn't right.

"What are you doing here?" I manage to spit out.


	5. iii Amelia

It doesn't take long for me to organise myself. I have no family to inform or put in hiding. I have no house, not many belongings. It's not long at all before I'm sitting at the Potter's house, having my last dinner before them before I go undercover. Before, hopefully, I receive the Dark Mark.

The thought gives me shudders. The thought of seeing Regulus.. That I don't know how to deal with.

It's been a nice evening. There's obviously tension as nobody knows what to say to me. No one knows what might happen. I might be discovered and killed straight away. I shiver, best not to think about that. I have to trust that my lying ability will hold.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asks across the table. The others - Lily, James, Remus, Peter and Mary - are all talking amongst themselves now, cooing at Harry.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just want to get on with it, really." I bite the inside of my lip looking around at these people. They're my family. And I never thought that would happen.

Looking at Harry though, if anything needed to convince me what I'm doing this for, it'd be him. I want him and any other children my friends might have to grow up in a world free of Voldemort.

That thought gives me more determination. I turn back to Sirius, smiling. But he's looking at me with a confusing look on his face, sad and confused at the same time. I frown, "are _you_ okay?"

He shakes his head, "yeah, just, can we talk outside for a minute?"

I nod, and he stands up, making his way over to the door. I start to follow, turning back to the others, "just going for a fag, sorry Lily." She smiles and waves and I turn to leave.

Once outside the air whips my hair around my face. Sirius is standing a couple of feet away, shuffling his feet around. I haven't seen him like this before, but thinking about it, I can only imagine how nervous I would be if it were him going on this mission. It is almost suicidal, if I think about it hard enough. Which I don't let myself.

"Seriously, what's wrong Sirius?" I reach out to him, brushing my hand on his arm.

He finally looks up at me, and I'm taken aback at the pain in his eyes. I wasn't expecting to see so much emotion there.

"I wish I knew you were coming back." He runs his hands through his hair, "fuck, I wish I knew if any of us were going to get through this at all!"

"I know, Sirius. But you can't think like that. We've just got to get on with it and hope to hell that we all get through it. It fucking sucks, I know." I try to smile at him but he just groans, turning away from me, pulling his hands through his hair this time looking like he's trying to pull it out. I'm shocked. He whirls around again.

"No, I don't think you do know," he takes a deep breath. "Amelia, I'm in love with you. I fucking love you, okay? And the thought that you're going on this ridiculous mission tomorrow and I might never see you again, it's killing me!" He's just staring at me now, a slightly mad look in his eyes, but I don't know what to say to him...

"Sirius, I'm coming back. I promise I'm coming back." And that's all I can come up with. The idea of love is just so far back in my mind, but how can I tell him that?

"Please, promise me you'll come back to me? I need to hear it. I need it. I want to take you out, and kiss you, and make you fall in love with me too. I want to _marry_ you, Amelia. More than anything in the world."

He takes my hands in his, and my stomach slips a bit. Love. I never even thought about it. Not since his brother. But that isn't something I can say to him either. So I say the only thing I think I can.

"I promise I'm coming back to you."

And just like that he's gathered me into his arms, placing a kiss on my lips. So soft, so gentle, so lovely. But not right, all the same. So I smile, and suggest we go back in. He smiles, taking my hand and leads me back to where our friends cheer and clap us on the back. And I just smile along, holding the hand of the only man to ever love me.

The next day I'm away before dawn. They all wake up with me, Lily makes breakfast in a sober kitchen. And all too soon it's time for good byes. I make my way around them, tears in my eyes as I farewell the people who have become so important to me in such a relatively short time. When I get to Sirius last, I hug him.

"I'm coming back, don't worry."

He kisses me gently, "I know you are. You promised me." And he smiles slightly, though tears pool in both our eyes.

I leave quickly after that, Disapparating without a second look back, I don't think I can take what I know will be all of them watching from the front window.

I land in Knockturn Alley. Severus had informed me that there was to be a recruitment drive here this week. I was left to my own devices as to how to attract the attention of a Death Eater though.

I wander around for an hour, looking in the shop windows, trying to look as though I have a purpose when my mind is really running at a million miles a minute trying to decide what to do and make sure I don't get myself killed before I'm even initiated.

I don't know how it happened. But suddenly someone has grabbed my arm, hard, and is dragging me away. I panic immediately, wondering whether I should curse them right now before waiting to see what this is about, when I look up.

"Regulus," I breathe out, so quietly I'm sure he hasn't heard.

I just stare. I can't believe it's him. What's he doing here? Is he the one that's recruiting me? Oh Merlin, that's going to make it so much harder. How am I ever going to be able to lie to him?

He shoves me into an alley and my heart jumps into my throat. He pushes me up against the wall, and I allow myself a blush. The grip on my arm is still so tight it's painful and I can't help but cringe slightly, hating myself for giving away a sign of weakness already.

But I'm glad that's all I've done. He looks amazing still. The most handsome man I've ever seen with his ragged dark brown hair, black eyes staring back at me defiantly. And that air of calm that he always carried that just drew me in so easily. His eyes are glaring at me with what could easily be described as hate, and that's what makes me pull myself together.

He's a Death Eater. This isn't school anymore, we're on different sides of the most deadly war there has ever been. I can't afford to let myself get lost in reminiscing. I have to be strong, and I have to lie. I can't get sucked in by him.

"What are you doing here?" He spits at me, contempt so clear in his voice I have to consciously restrain myself from gulping down the lump of hurt in my throat.

Instead I force a smirk of my own onto my face, daring myself to stare him down, not to be intimidated, "I was looking for someone like you, actually. How have you been, Regulus? It's been a long time."

His hand doesn't lessen its grip still, but I force myself to ignore it, staring him down still.

His eyes are narrowed, "why are you looking for someone like me?"

"Well if you have the connections I think you must still have, then you can get me membership to a very exclusive club." I kept my smirk slapped in place. But his eyes still narrowed.

"What are you on about, your family were blood traitors, why would you want to join us?" He sneered at me.

This was the part I had had to practise the most, and I hadn't expected my first test to be against the one person who probably knew how much I had loved my parents. But here it went anyway; "Don't be ridiculous. Don't even mention them, the idea that I'm related to them makes me sick. I want to rid our kind of people like them, they're a disgrace." I spat it out, disgusted at myself.

He didn't look convinced, but he dropped my arm.

"Very well, you're in luck then, because I'm actually recruiting today. I suppose we can let the others decide if you're worthy." He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes, clearly saying he thought that was unlikely.

Before I had time to argue with him about it, he had stepped forward, placing his arms around me.

"Close your eyes, I have to put a spell on you so you don't know where we're going."

I did as he said, trying to hide my gulp of nervousness. Surprisingly, nervousness about his proximity, not the fact that I was about to infiltrate the inner sanctum of the dark powers. Merlin, get your priorities straight!

The world went black as Regulus muttered his spell and I bit my lip, fighting my natural urge to run the hell away. Then I felt his arms around me, "we're Disapparating now," he said in my ear. And I swear I didn't imagine the tremor in his voice just before the world spun out of control.


	6. iii Regulus

I hadn't ever seen that kind of look on Amelia's face before. She was glaring at me, with this smirk that I had only seen the likes of on Malfoy. I was almost taken aback, but then realised, I haven't seen her for nearly four years, of course she was going to have changed. But this wasn't what I expected.

I forced myself to remain aloof. If this was her attitude now, there was no way I could allow her to see my weakness. There was no way she could know how long I had loved her for now.

"I was looking for someone like you, actually. How have you been, Regulus? It's been a long time." Yes, it had been a long time. But nothing had changed for me. Having her in front of me made my chest ache, longing to kiss her just once.

And I wished I thought she actually cared how I had been, because I wanted to tell her, I wanted to tell her she had been right all those years ago. And now I wanted out, because I had discovered all I wanted in life was to marry her and be happy. Such clarity hadn't been possible before I had her standing in front of me.

But what did she want with me, or my kind now. If she got sucked in, there was no way I was going to leave without her. It would be too dangerous to try to convince her to walk away now. She would laugh in my face for sure and then when she found someone else my disloyalty would be revealed and it would all be for nothing. No, I had to make her love me first. She had to love me.

"Why are you looking for someone like me?" As if there could be any other reason.

"Well if you have the connections I think you must still have, then you can get me membership to a very exclusive club." She was still smirking, and my heart sunk to hear her admit to the very thing I was most afraid of.

I kept my glare in place. Suddenly it was a lot easier, the idea of her becoming mixed up in the life I lead now sickened me. I just had to try once to get her to back out, just once, "What are you on about, your family were blood traitors, why would you want to join us?"

She had loved her parents more than anything. Their deaths had destroyed her, I couldn't believe that she would betray them and what they stood for. But apparently I didn't know her as well as I thought I did.

"Don't be ridiculous. Don't even mention them, the idea that I'm related to them makes me sick. I want to rid our kind of people like them, they're a disgrace." She spat it out, and I couldn't help the incredulous look that I felt spreading across my face.

There was nothing else to be done now. I had been sent to find new recruits, and she had volunteered. I had to take her.

"Very well, you're in luck then, because I'm actually recruiting today. I suppose we can let the others decide if you're worthy." She still had that arrogant smirk on her face. My stomach lurched at the thought of her and Malfoy hooking up. Merlin, that would be the death of me.

I swallowed the bile rising in my throat and stepped closer to her to perform the necessary spell on her. Her eyes flicked to mine and I swore I saw a glimmer of something there before it was replaced with confusion, "close your eyes, I have to put a spell on you so you don't know where we're going."

She smelt wonderful, denying the urge to take her into my arms became too hard a task and I gave in, wrapping her up as I prepared to Apparate. "We're Disapparating now," I warned her, unable to keep the tremor from my voice. Her proximity was unbearable, this hadn't been a good idea at all. Now I wanted to kiss her..

And then we were turning and spinning and before I had a chance to give the thought a second airing we had landed. The courtyard held five other Death Eaters, returned from a mission, who looked up as we landed, wands ready.

I showed my Mark and hurried towards the door, not even waiting to check Amelia was following. I had to assume she wouldn't be stupid enough to stick around there on her own. Sure enough when I got to the door, she was right behind me.

I took my wand out and sliced my hand open.

"What are you doing, Regulus?" There was definitely a slight edge of alarm in her voice. The thought was dismissed as I placed my hand on the door to gain entry. You had to be thinking evil thoughts to open that door, and thinking about Amelia definitely wasn't evil.

"It's a spell. You weaken yourself to show allegiance to the Dark Lord. You also have to be thinking evil thoughts in order to enter." Part of me was thinking that there was no way Amelia would be capable of that, but she entered after me without any problems.

I didn't say anything else to her as I led her straight to the initiation room. The Dark Lord would already know we were there, nothing went on in the house without him knowing about it, so he would be ready to receive her.

Once we were standing outside the door I spun around to face her.

"This is the initiation room, the Dark Lord is going to question you, along with a few of the other Death Eaters. Tell him the truth, he'll know if you aren't. And if you pass the tests then you'll be in, okay?" I garbled it all out, I did not want this to happen.

She just nodded, suddenly looking a lot like the girl I remembered from school. She looked scared. Without thinking I reached over and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze.

Before I had a chance to gauge her reaction, the doors opened and a voice said from within, "enter, Amelia." And then she was walking forwards, looking straight ahead of herself with a calm, composed demeanour.

I closed my eyes for a second, gathering myself, and then followed her into the darkness.


	7. iv Amelia

We were plunged straight into darkness as soon as the door closed after Regulus. I clutched my hands together and took a silent deep breath. This was what I had trained for.

Suddenly, torches blazed into life around the room, revealing a semi circle in front of me of about eight standing figures. In the middle of them was Voldemort, sitting on a throne, smirking at me.

"Well, well, Regulus, you have got yourself a pretty little one." Voldemort cackled to himself, and I heard a couple of the Death Eaters snigger under their breath.

I remained silent, my eyes lowered everso slightly in what I hope he perceived as respect.

"Now, my dear, why do you wish to be one of my loyal footsoldiers?" Voldemort sat back in his throne, leaning his head on one hand, contemplating me. I knew he was trying to get into my mind.

I drew up images of hate and pain before I spoke, giving my voice an edge, "I want to repair the damage my parents did to my family name. I want to rid the race of the diluted blood that scum have allowed in." I sneered slightly.

Voldemort smirked, nodding his head at me, "very good, I should hope you want to fix what your filthy blood traitor parents did. A disgrace to your family name, they were."

I summoned up anger and directed it at images of my parents. I must not allow him to see he got to me. I hate my parents. I do.

He looked at me for a long while, and then abruptly turned to his left, "Regulus, do you believe we should allow her into our ranks?"

I didn't dare look in Regulus' direction. I had no idea what he was going to say, and it looked like my future party lay in his hands.

"I think she is sincere, my Lord." Was Regulus' answer though.

Voldemort cackled again, "yes, my boy, I think you are right. Luckily for you."

I didn't understand what Voldemort meant by this but still restrained myself from looking in the direction Regulus' voice had come from. I was so nearly in, I could feel it.

"Come forward, my dear, kneel in front of me."

I did as he said, resisting every single urge in my body to turn and run and hide. I had never felt as vulnerable as I did in that moment, kneeling at the mercy of the most dangerous dark wizard to ever exist.

He pulled my left arm towards him, extending his wand so the tip poked into my skin. The pain was sudden, with no warning. I held myself rigid though, determined not to show any pain, no signs of weakness. The excruciating pain lasted no more than a minute, and then a dull ache set in.

"Stand." Voldemort leant back in his seat again, "welcome to the ranks of Death Eaters, Amelia. I believe you bore the pain of the Mark much better than Malfoy did. Don't you think so, Malfoy?"

"Yes, my Lord."

Voldemort laughed. "Leave me, all of you, go and teach our newest member how things are done around here."

I had never been so glad to leave someone's presence before.


End file.
